I list the things I want to learn to do: play piano, knit, sew, grow things, and so on. I list the things I need to do to lose weight: um, exercise, eat less (especially less delicious, delicious cheese), try this diet, try that diet, and so on. I was quite disturbed to realize that one commonality among each new obsession/interest was the necessity to consume. I will need healthy groceries, new shoes, seeds, yarn, and of course, instructional materials. When I lose interest from lack of time, lack of talent, or whatever, I need to find something new complete with a list of things I need. My lists always end up as shopping lists.
This summer, I vowed to learn to use my Simplicity Fashion Pro sewing machine that has been sheltering spiders in the basement for years. It would have been a perfect way to break the cycle of picking up hobbies as an excuse to consume. I cleaned up the machine and toted it up to my over-flowing bedroom/creativity station. Oh, what fun! I had to clean and organize to find room for the machine, and I did this to a great soundtrack. I already have plenty of thread and old cloths to tear up and practice with, so this was going to be great.
After I succeeded, after three tries, to wind the bobbin, I attempted to load the bobbin case. Only, there wasn't a bobbin case. Anywhere. I ended up having to order one from E-bay. I thought I wouldn't have to buy anything until I needed material.
I have always wanted to be more crafty. I need something to do, and why not do something with a tangible end result? I hope to have my bobbin case by next week. In the meantime, I plan to make use of the sock yarn I have.
Sometimes I think I make these involved realizations about my personality that may actually be exaggerations of character traits that I find repulsive, but do not really describe me wholly. I think over-consuming is icky, okay? I really, really hope I am not too guilty of it. I do like to shop for certain things. I do not conserve as much as I could. I recycle, but my commitment pretty much ends there. I need to find consistency in something that I do moderately. I need to maybe wake up early and do sit-ups instead of morphing into Jillian Michaels. I need to eat less and make healthier choices without totally changing my diet. I need to just relax and knit a damn sock without going all Little House. Maybe that's the self-discovery.
