Comic-Con: A Love Story

Dear Comic-Con,

I wish I could get over you, but every year it gets harder. You have all the things I love and almost all of the people I love. And this year, you tossed in a Firefly reunion panel and an exclusive Joss action figure. Why must you taunt me?! I'm a smart and adorable lady nerd, there is no reason the world shouldn't have given me Comic-Con tickets by now. I will even agree to an arranged marriage if that's what it takes. I have my own Muppet and lightsaber, and I can list all the Buffy episodes. What nerd wouldn't want to take me to San Diego with him?

I have tried to distract myself from you with intensity this weekend. Here is an incomplete list of failed tactics:

            I ate an insane amount of carbs in order to induce a food coma.

            I cleaned out my closet in a feverish rage.

            I did a lot of homework that isn’t due for a while.

            I ignored social media.

I glued myself to social media, trying to convince myself that Seth     Green’s Instagram feed was almost as good as being there!

I get it. I’ve made mistakes, we both have. I have trouble with superheroes and you, after all, let Twilight fans in. (And look how well that turned out for you – one of them died and got you all sorts of negative publicity.) I love you so much, SDCC. (Can I call you by your nickname now? I think we’re that close.) Please, please let me in someday.

Best wishes,

S.

Retro Reviews: Maniac (1980)

I think I’ll take a stab at the Final Girl Film Club with Maniac.  This is a film I didn’t see until last year, though I am not sorry I waited.  It’s gritty, gory, and gross.  It feels so much longer than its 87 minutes, and I think it’s that slowness that makes is so powerful.  Um, spoilers ahead.  

Maniac is the story of schlubby, sweaty landlord Frank Zito, who happens to murder women in his spare time.  Actually, since most of what we see him do is stalk and murder, he is a murderer of women and a landlord in his spare time.  You see, Frank was abused and ultimately abandoned, due to her death, by his prostitute mother.  It would be neat to say that this movie is simply a bloodier Psycho, what with the monstrous mother and the lady killing and all.

The big difference is, Frank is presented to us immediately as a mentally ill murderer.  There is no big reveal at the end, nor is there revenge or paranormal, evil killin’ powers at work here.  This is unlike many slashers/splatters I watch because the killer is presented as very real.  Frank is just a guy who kills because he is sick.  He struggles with his guilt and self-disgust as much as his disgust with women.  This is why he stabs himself with one of his killin’ tools, and why, in his mind, it’s his victims come alive who do him in.

Okay, enough of that.  I took one psychology class one time and want to talk about other things, like some of the scenes I love from this.  I mentioned how torturously slow this film is, not only for the audience but for many of Frank’s victims.  The scene in which Tom Savini’s head explodes sticks with me not for the exploding head, but because of how long the woman in the car must wait for her inevitable death.  

The scene where Frank stalks a nurse through the subway is ten minutes long.  Ten minutes!  You must watch her try and outsmart her murderer for ten minutes, hiding and sweating and crying.  And then when she allows herself relief, you know that when she looks up he’ll be in the mirror and she will not only get stabbed but have to watch herself get stabbed.  And of course she’s in white, of course.  I just.  That scene.  Ugh.  

Maniac is simple and well done.  No one can rig up a scalping like Mr. Savini.  No one.  The late Joe Spinell does an excellent job with the acting, and I am now nervous about the remake with Frodo Baggins.  We’ll see, I have been wrong before.

     

Retro Reviews: The Burning (1981)

The Burning (1981)

Rather than write a full-out review, I decided to list my reactions to this film as they appeared.

Ah, camp.  Where kids go to be slaughtered.

Ugh.  What disgusting examples of youth from the 1980s.  

Wait, who sleeps next to a full gas can?  

If only that janitor had remembered to stop, drop, and roll, this whole movie could have been over by now..

What kind of a hospital is this?

Ew.  Everyone in this movie is gross.

Hey, what did that hooker ever do to you?

Wait.  George Costanza!?  Yes, it’s him.

Hey, Holly Hunter.  Cool

Those are some fancy killin’ tools, yo.

I really hope he doesn’t kill the person named “Tiger.”

Hey, they built a raft.  How resourceful.  Nothing will go wrong no--yikes, ouch.

Holy crap.  You don’t see that everyday.

This killer is certainly efficient.  If I were that skilled with gardening shears, my landscaping would look amazing.

Um, did you just wander onto the set for My Bloody Valentine?

Fire bad; axe...also bad.

Huh.  No final girl, per se, just a final sniveling pervert.  Interesting.

Whew, both Tiger and George Costanza are safe.

So, to sum it up, The Burning is...just alright.  It could be required viewing for the special effects done by my secret husband, gore maestro Tom Savini.  The editing is interesting, and some shots are indeed scary, if only for the cheap, jumping-out-at-you scares.  Also, props to screenwriters Peter Lawrence and Bob Weinstein for naming their killer after the decades-old campfire take Cropsy.  

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher In The Rye, Chapters 17 & 18

Chapter 17

Biltmore is a fancy hotel, and its lobby is full of people waiting for dates. Holden sits around for a while and thinks about the people. This book is more about his internal monologue than it is about the plot. All seventeen chapters have barely covered a weekend in the life of Mr. Caulfield, but we know what he's thinking. Sally Hayes appears for their date and she looks stunning. Holden takes notice and he's upset with himself for thinking she looks lovely, but he thinks it nonetheless. On the cab ride to the theater, he tells her he loves her. OUCH. Holden is turning into one of those phonies he hates so much. Sally reciprocates the sentiment, which is even more awkward. The play isn't that great, although Sally loves it. Guess what? The audience is full of phonies! And one of those phonies is an old friend of Sally's. They talk to said phony for "about ten hours" which is proof that Holden is an incredibly accurate individual who is not prone to hyperbole. (I say that like I'm against hyperbole. Hyperbole is the greatest, obviously.)

On the way home, Sally suggests they go ice skating and Holden agrees. They are both terrible at skating, so they go inside and have Cokes. Is this product placement? It's working. I'm craving a Coke Zero at this point. They have a conversation that lasts for several pages, and it mostly consists of Holden asking Sally is she ever gets fed up, Sally not understanding his increasingly emo discussion prompts, and Holden ultimately snapping and screaming at her. As you might expect, Sally leaves.

Chapter 18

Holden is hungry after that rage outburst, so he pops into a drugstore and grabs some food. It's the Wawa of the 50's. He gets a cheese sandwich. This must be what they ate in the dark times before Wawa had cheese-stuffed pretzels. Maybe I should start a food blog series instead of a book blog series. Holden has Jane Gallagher on the brain again and this time, he calls her house. Jane's mom answers so he hangs up without saying a word, and calls an old pal from Whooton instead - Carl Luce, an intellectual type. Carl agrees to meet Holden for a drink at 10. To fill up his time before then, Holden watches the Rockettes Christmas spectacular. Unsurprisingly, he is unimpressed by it. A movie plays after the Rockettes performance and Holden isn't fond of it either. He starts to get really quotable. "Don't see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself," he says. A woman in the theater gets overly emotional but ignores the child she has in tow. "You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart. I'm not kidding" Whoa there, Holden. Tell us how you really feel.


-S

Culture Consumer's Code of Conduct

It's no secret that obsession surrounds this blog and its fantastically amazing contributors; it's right there in the title. So, I'm sure I'm not the only one who fights the urge to rip the face off of humans who feel the need to point out why they hate the objects of said obsession Here's the thing, I do not, by any means, expect the entire world to love the things that I love so very much. It would be boring and blah, blah, blah diversity. But there's a certain...insensitivity to having someone list the reasons they don't like the thing they know you love. This is getting convoluted; allow me to demonstrate.

John: Hey! You know that book you love?!

Max: Oh course! I do love that book!

John: Yeah! I read it! I had a problem with the nature of the characters, some of the plot, and the ending. What the hell was that?!

Max: Oh...I actually really loved all of those things.

John: Yeah, I mean they were okay, but I guess it didn't really move me. I did like it all, but I was definitely disappointed.

Max: I was really moved by it but, it doesn't have to move everybody.

John: The thing with the characters is...why do they always have...

And so on.

Now, John goes into this conversation knowing that Max loves the book he is about to critique.  That's crucial. It is very likely that Max would be down with discussing the faults of a book that he's read, but a book that he loves? I know this is something that I need to work through, but when someone wants to tell me all of the reasons they don't like the thing that I love, I want to rip their face off. Yeah, we are all entitled to our opionions, I get it. I like that about society! But I also take it personally. I love stories. I love books, television, and film because they are stories that make my brain buzz with everything from devestating pain to contentment and every possible combination of those feelings and all of the feelings in between. Basically, all of the emotions. I don't get all Julia Sugerbaker about everything I read or see, but when I do find one that completely surrounds me, I really, really love it. I have to find out everything about it.  That's part of why I am a contributing author here. So, that is why I want to rip John's face off.  I mean do I walk up to him and say, "Hey! You know that kid you love so much? Well, she is really irritating. I mean her verbal skills are so subpar. What's up with that?" No, to answer my own question, I do not do that. It would be rude. And that is really the entire point of all of the words before this. It's rude! I don't think everyone needs to walk around being polite and all...creepy all the time, but I'm down with tact and mutual respect. Until that happens, I will just wait and wait until John starts to tell me about something he loves, and then I will gleefully tell him that I hate it.

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapters 15 & 16

Chapter 15

Holden calls up Sally Hayes, an old flame. There's a lot of calling in this book. If it was set in present day, I bet Holden would be all over texting. It's up his social alley. But then again, if it was set in present day his parents would already know he was kicked out of school and we'd never believe that he was wandering around unnoticed this long, and it would ultimately ruin the story. Hooray for the 1950s: making it easier for kids to have secret adventures. Holden invites Sally to a show and she accepts his offer. He has a lot of time to kill before the show starts, so he checks his bags at Grand Central Station and gets some breakfast.

While he eats, he eavesdrops on a pair of nuns. He gives them $10 even though they try to tell him they aren't fundraising for anything. They all chat for a bit about English - a subject that one of them teaches and that Holden clearly has quite an interest in even though he can't seem to care about his education. The nuns have to leave, and they leave Holden wishing he had donated more money to them. This seems really noteworthy, considering that Holden is pretty financially self-centered. Never before has he spent money on anyone else without being cranky about it.

Internal monologue quote of the chapter: "I always sort of think whoever I'm necking is a pretty intelligent person. It hasn't got a goddam thing to do with it, but I keep thinking it anyway." That is what I assume all teenage boys are thinking. It explains a lot.

Chapter 16

Still left with time to kill before meeting Sally Hayes, Holden goes for a walk. He decides to head to Broadway to see if there's a record store open on Sundays. He wants an album called "Little Shirley Beans" to give to Phoebe. He heard it at school, and it's hard to find, but he really thinks Phoebe would love it. Phoebe has not actually appeared in the novel yet, but Holden treats her much better than he treats anyone else. I suppose if you lose a sibling, you get really clingy to the others, and D.B. is hard to connect with out in California. 

Holden notices a family coming out of a church, and the child is singing a song that he recognizes. It goes, "If a body catch a body comin' through the rye." Wait! That's almost the name of the book! I smell symbolism but I can't sort it all out just yet. The kid is weaving through traffic as he sings and his parents are ignoring him, but for some reason this image soothes Holden. 

Broadway, unsurprisingly, is full of people going to the movies. To Holden, of course, Broadway is just full of phonies. Luckily, he finds an open record store and snags a copy of "Little Shirley Beans" for Phoebe. It sets him back $5 since it's rare. Inflation makes this hilarious to a 2012 reader. He also picks up theater tickets for his date with Sally. Record in tow, he goes to a park that Phoebe frequents, but she isn't there. He is told by a friend of Phoebe's that she might be at the Museum of Natural History, and Holden knows she won't be, but he heads in that direction anyway. On his walk, he puts his hunting hat on again. What does this hat represent?! Agh. He ultimately decides to head to the Biltmore Hotel and wait for Sally to arrive for their date. The way this book makes it sound, New York City is about 90% hotel.

-S

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapters 13 & 14

Chapter 13

Holden walks 41 blocks back to his hotel. Sometimes I can't tell if he's exaggerating or not, but either way I'm thinking he walked a lot. It's freezing and his hands are cold, because someone at Pencey swiped his gloves. Holden imagines what he would say to the person that took them. He even considers punching the person in the jaw. Alas, he's not at Pencey anymore so he will never get the chance.

Back at the hotel, a man named Maurice asks Holden if he's interested in a hooker - he's charging a mere $5 for her services. Holden goes for it, with a touch of self-loathing. Before the prostitute arrives at his hotel room door, Holden tidies himself up significantly - he decides this will be his big chance to practice in case he ever gets married.

The prostitute arrives, and Holden introduces himself as "Jim Steele." After this clever move, he loses his cool and tries to chat the lady up instead of doing what she was hired to do. The prostitute, who is referred to as "Old Sunny," is unhappy about this. (Since I associate the name Sunny with the youngest Baudelaire child in A Series of Unfortunate Events, this really creeps me out.) Holden continues to run his mouth and lies that he just had a big operation and is unfit for physical activity. He gives her $5 and sends her off, although she tries to argue that he owes her $10.

Chapter 14 

Holden is miserable. When he gets depressed, he talks out loud to his dead brother Allie. Because that's not psychotic or anything. "I'm kind of an atheist," he muses. We learn a lot about his religious views. He likes Jesus but the Disciples "annoy the hell out of him." I want to sit down with this kid and talk about the Bible. Is that weird?

Remember Maurice and Old Sunny? I hope so, they were heavily featured in the last chapter and the very post you're reading. They appear once more in Chapter 14 and things get a little K-razzy up in here. Maurice comes back for the $5 difference between what Holden thought he owed Old Sunny and wheat Sunny said he owed. Maurice claims he told Holden that Sunny cost $10 in the first place. Wow. Who would have imagined that a pimp would be a complete slimeball? Some panic ensues. Sunny grabs Holden's wallet and takes the $5 out herself, and Maurice beats him. Sheesh. Maybe you should have just stayed at school, kid.

-S

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapters 11 & 12

Chapter 11

Jane Gallagher is becoming rather important now. This chapter is almost exclusively devoted to Holden's thoughts and memories about her. He felt comfortable enough with her that he told her about Allie. Apparently, she wasn't "strictly beautiful" but it's clear that he loved her. His mom, however, thought Jane and her mother were snobby and cold. From Holden's descriptions of Jane she does sound fairly cold, but he seems oblivious. He likes her edge. Rather than spend the rest of the novel thinking about Jane, Holden hops in a cab and heads to Ernie's, a Greenwich Village nightclub. I doubt this is the last we have heard about Jane, but we'll have to see.

Chapter 12

The cab smells like vomit. Thanks for that thought. Holden asks the cab driver if he knows where the ducks in Central Park go in the winter. There is a subsequent conversation about the ducks and the fish and migration habits. I am convinced this discussion is a metaphor for something, but I can't figure out just what it's all about yet. When I finish the book, either I will figure it out on my own or ask someone smarter than myself to explain it. Hmm.

Holden arrives at Ernie's and there's an actual guy named Ernie playing the piano in a really flashy way. Holden is disgusted that the audience is eating it up. I feel like the majority of people who find themselves in a seedy joint called Ernie's in the middle of the night would be exactly the type of people who would love flashy piano tricks, but I guess that doesn't make them any less disgusting. Holden ponders the people sitting around him. He describes the interactions of a couple that sound to me to be a bit like date rape. "I was surrounded by jerks," he says. I want Tumblr to give me a really snazzy hipster picture with that quote on it.

Holden runs into an old girlfriend of his brother D.B.'s: Lillian Simmons. Lillian is there with a Navy guy, "Commander Blop or something." Heh. Lillian takes pity on the dateless Holden and invites him to join them, but he would rather leave than hang out with them so off he goes. This chapter is highly quotable. I want a set of notecards that say the following piece of Holden's internal monologue: "I'm always saying 'Glad to've met you' to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though."

-S

Life, Death, and Television

I have been contemplating death a lot in the past six weeks. Intellectually, I know that anything can happen at any minute, and that life, including my own, is unimaginably fragile. It still surprises me though, when someone I love is suddenly, violently, irrevocably gone. Last week, an old friend of mine was killed in a hit and run accident crossing the street outside of a bar. Gone.

I can’t wrap my mind around his absence, even though I have not seen nor spoken to him in months. I spent so much time, sang so many songs, shared so many bottles, baked so many pies, and laughed at so many jokes with him. I have so many memories of both throw-away moments and major life changes that I either experienced with him or that I could talk about with him. He was never judgmental or malicious. He was enthusiastic and funny. He was going to be a Spanish teacher. And now there’s a hole in the universe where he should be.

I have a tendency to filter my experiences through pop culture I consume. I have been meaning to write a post about Six Feet Under (SFU) and how its treatment of death has shaped my attitude towards life. This seems like an appropriate time. SFU was the most honest look at how people deal with mortality I have ever seen. The title of the finale alone, articulated what I imagine the end to be like: Everyone’s Waiting. Below, in no particular order, are my favorite moments involving music from one of the greatest serials television ever offered.

We have to live to honor the dead, and we have to learn to live with all the trappings of being physical, ephemeral beings. Somewhere, though, is the energy that makes us work. My limited understanding of physics reminds me that energy can’t be created nor destroyed, it just changes. Nate, I know you’re in all these places, always.

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 10

I've hit the double digits! I still don't know where this novel is going, but I still want to find out.

Chapter 10

Holden decides to check out the sleazy hotel's sleazy club, the Lavender Room. That name makes it sound more like a tea shop than a nightclub. He really just wants to call his little sister, but he knows his parents would answer the phone and he is not willing to talk to them. Plus, it's still the middle of the night. He instead tells us how wonderful Phoebe is. She's ten years old, loves films, and tends to be too emotional. Coming from Holden Caulfield, King of Angst, I find that last descriptor entertaining.

The Lavender Room features a crappy band. Holden tries to get a drink,  but his age is questioned so he settles for a Coke. There are three girls sitting at the table next to him, and he quickly recognizes that they are incredibly stupid but he buys them all drinks, dances with them, and compliments the shit out of them anyway. The bar closes. The girls leave. Holden leaves. It's all fairly uneventful.

-S

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapters 8 & 9

The action is really starting to pick up. Holden has escaped Pencey Prep and I have no idea what will happen now, but it will probably involve the types of things that make conservative parents want to ban books. This should be fun.

Chapter 8

Now that he's made his dramatic exit from the dorms, Holden realizes it's too late for a cab, so he walks to the train station. It's freezing, but luckily he doesn't have to wait long for a train. Public transit for the win! After a little while on the train, a woman gets on and sits next to Holden. After a bit of chatting, we learn that she is the mother of another Pencey Prep student - Ernest Morrow. Holden tells us Ernest is an asshat, but he also tells Ernest's mother that his name is Rudolf Schmidt, so he decides to lie to this woman for sport. In short, he tells her that Rudolf is a total charmer. I don't know why he felt the need to do this, but he seems highly entertained by pulling one over on an adult. Eventually, the woman asks the obvious question - what the hell is "Rudolf" doing on a train home two days before school lets out for Christmas? His answer: he is having a brain tumor removed. A tiny brain tumor that will only take a few minutes to remove, he says. Apparently, this lady is completely buying this obvious fabrication. What an idiot. Adults are not being shown in a particularly positive light in this novel. She wishes Holden the best and tells him to come visit her family at their beach home over the summer, and she gets off the train in Newark. (Hey! That's a real place I've been to! Was it sketchy in the 50's too?)

Chapter 9

Holden arrives at his intended destination: Penn Station in NYC. (Hey, I've been there too!) He is in the mood to call someone, and he goes to the phone booth to give someone a ring. He can't call D.B. - he's in LA. He can't call his little sister Phoebe - she's in bed by 9 PM and it's the middle of the night now. He can't call Jane Gallagher, and he can't call his old flame Sally Hayes. He almost calls an old friend from Whooton School, but then he remembers he doesn't like that kid anyway. Holden gives up on the phone idea and calls a cab instead. Out of habit, he gives the driver his home address in NYC, but reroutes him to the Edmont Hotel. I have things figured out now. This is going to be just like The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, except with an adolescent protagonist and way more sex, alcohol, and violence. Have I called it yet? I hope Holden doesn't murder anyone. 

Once he's in his sleazy hotel room, Holden spies on some other hotel patrons through the window. They are up to some pretty weird stuff. He thinks about this for a while and remembers that he knows a former stripper through a buddy of his who went to Princeton. He gives this Seabiscuit Faith Cavendish a call, and she is angry that he called her in the middle of the night but still willing to get a drink with him in the future. I don't know how former of a stripper she is... Holden chickens out and declines her offer of meeting at a later date, deciding to instead go down to the sleazy hotel's sleazy club. It's getting all controversial-literature up in here.

-S

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye: Chapters 6 & 7

Chapter 6

     Stradlater the studmuffin is back from his date with Jane, and he is angry. He wanted Holden to do his English composition on a house, not a baseball glove. He accuses Holden of "always doing everything backasswards," which is rude of him, but I do find it to be a delightful insult. Also, he really shouldn't be complaining since he doesn't have to do the homework now. Sheesh. I bet he's going to miss Holden more than he realizes when Holden is officially kicked out of the school in a few days. 

      Holden smokes a cigarette in the room for the sole purpose of making Stradlater mad. It's clear that Holden is anxious to hear how the date went, and he suspects something went wrong. As an aside, this is where we learn that "giving the time to" is 1950's slang for getting it on. Heh. Holden asks Stradlater if he gave the time to Jane and Stradlater literally beats him up. After what Holden describes as ten hours of this, he escapes to Ackley's room next door.

Chapter 7

      It's 11:30 PM and Holden wants Ackley to play canasta with him. Ackley isn't having it; he says that Holden is too bloody, plus he wants to attend Mass early in the morning. Holden gives up on the canasta and angles to just sleep in Ackley's missing roommate's bed, but Ackley isn't having that either - he's concerned his roommate might come back early. Holden ignores Ackley's warnings and goes for it anyway, which seems like a good call to me. We have some flashbacks to a previous double date experience with Holden and Stradlater, and it is pretty clear that Stradlater is skanky. Ew.

      In the early morning, Holden decides he will skip his last few days of school and get himself a hotel room in the city, since his parents will not receive notification of his expulsion for a while anyway. Ah, the pre-Internet days. He quickly packs up his belongings and dashes into the halls, yelling, "Sleep tight ya morons!" It would be quite the cinematic exit, but someone has left peanut shells all over the hallway floor and he almost falls on his way out. This book is like a sitcom!

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapters 4 & 5

Chapter 4

      Holden trails Stradlater to the bathroom as Stradlater preps for a date. Stradlater is in love with himself, and at this point we've had a few references to Holden agreeing. A bromance, perhaps? Stradlater gets Holden to vaguely commit to doing his English homework for him while he's out with his lady friend. We learn that Stradlater's date is one Jane Gallagher, who used to be a neighbor of Holden's. This chapter could be subtitled "Everyone's Vaguely In Love With Each Other" because it looks like Holden is harboring some feelings for Jane. Stradlater, ever the lunkhead, can't even keep her name straight. "Not Remembering My Name" is definitely an item on my personal Oh-No-No list, but Jane is either unaware of this or less picky than I am. Oh well. Holden feels too awkward about the situation to go say hello to Jane, so he makes Stradlater promise not to tell her that he's been kicked out of school. 

      A noteworthy part of this chapter is Holden's hat, of all things. It's a red hunting cap, purchased that morning in New York. Ackley and Stradlater have both remarked about it at this point in the story, and I bet it's a symbol for something. I haven't a guess as to what, but hopefully that will soon become clear. If this is not the case, Salinger is really into discussing this hat and it's getting a bit bizarre.

Chapter 5

      It's Saturday night at Pencey Prep. Holden is getting a little stir-crazy, so he recruits his pal Mal Brossard into taking the bus into Agerstown with him. Their wild night on the town consists of eating hamburgers, playing pinball, and then returning to their dorms early. That is my kind of party.

      Back in his room, Holden gets to work on Stradlater's English composition, writing about his brother's baseball mitt. This turns into quite the scene of exposition for the readers, as we learn Holden used to have a younger brother. Allie was two years younger than him and fifty times as intelligent, but he died of leukemia. Ouch. File that under "Maybe There Are Good Reasons For Holden To Be Cynical About Everything."

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapters 2 & 3

Chapter 2

When we last saw our pal Holden, he was about to see his ailing history teacher, Mr. Spencer. Before they get to chatting, Holden complains about how gross and depressing Mr. Spencer's life is. His angst is already growing on me. What is up with that?! We learn that Holden was 16 at the time these events took place, but 17 at the time he is recounting the story to the reader. Mr. Spencer is clearly disappointed in Holden for failing his classes, but he must see some potential in him too. If this were the high school in the school district I currently reside in, Mr. Spencer would've been fired already. Mr. Spencer reads Holden one of his failed essay exam questions. It contains two paragraphs about the Egyptians, and a note to Mr. Spencer explaining that he teaches an interesting course that Holden just can't bring himself to care about, and cordially inviting Mr. Spencer to flunk him. Holden, you are clearly a bright and articulate kid. Why aren't you applying yourself? WHY?

After the reading, Holden says he needs to go collect some equipment at the gym before departing. Mr. Spencer wishes him good luck and he leaves. End chapter.

Chapter 3

Mr. Spencer, you beautiful sweet naive newborn baby. Holden, of course, has nothing to collect at the gym. He lied to get out of an awkward situation. Once he gets back to his dorm, he probably regrets that decision, since he is faced with the annoying next-dorm-neighbor, Ackley. Holden's inner monologue tells us that Ackley barges in roughly 85 times a day, but he hates Holden's roommate, Stradlater, and stops by less often when he is home. Ackley is disgusting and Stradlater is pushy, so I am not a fan of either one of them, really. Holden just wants to sit in peace and read, and the other boys make this next to impossible. People suck, man.

-S

Adventures in Literature: The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1

 I have somehow managed to get through nearly two decades of life (ack) without reading The Catcher in the Rye. Even more impressively, I have absolutely no idea what happens in this book, other than that Holden Caulfield is super angsty. I was also warned that I'll want to go on a killing spree by the time I'm finished. Since the novel is assigned for my upcoming YA Literature class and I'm reading it ahead of the game, I have decided to live-blog the process, if you can call the reading of a book published in 1951 a live-blog. 

Without further ado,

The Catcher in the Rye: Chapter 1

      "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

      Damn. We're one sentence in and Holden is already more miserable than Harry Potter in Order of the Phoenix. This isn't going to be a book o' sunshine, is it? We also learn that Holden's brother, D.B., wrote some short stories that made it big and now he's in Hollywood. Apparently, Holden is not okay with this; calling his brother a "prostitute." I hope we get some reasons for Holden's mood soon, because this is a puzzler.

      Cut to flashback. He was kicked out of school for not applying himself and failing four classes. Holden, we are not friends. Mr. Spencer, the history teacher, asked Holden to visit before he leaves the school forever. Mr. Spencer had the grippe, which is a synonym for "contagious flu" so I wouldn't have gone to visit him myself. The chapter ends as Holden arrives at Mr. Spencer's house. I'm going to go ahead and predict that Holden doesn't catch the grippe and immediately die, since we have a lot of chapters left.

To Be Continued...

-S

Top Five Crazies from Slasher Films

Gentle Reader, I love horror films. Beginning at a tender age, I have been an equal-opportunity horror fan: I love the slashers, wonderful Tartan Asian Extreme, the psychological thrillers, the Italian giallo films, the zombies, the spooks, the splatters, the revenge films, the moments of dread in mainstream films that make them horrific. All of it. I love all of it. This is a list, in no order, of five beloved crazies from some of my favorite slashers. Click on the picture for a clip. CAUTION: Here there be spoilers!

The Caller from Black Christmas

I have had some experiences with obscene phone callers, and those guys were amateurs compared to this gem. Seriously. The calls were the scariest, most memorable scenes for this viewer. This is not to say that the death scenes were not well done; they were. The caller is just so...crazy. He turns on a dime from run-of-the-mill pervert to dangerous very authentically. Freak.

Crazy Ralph from Friday the 13th

Dear Ralph. I am sorry for what happened to you, more sorry than I am for the scores of

counselors claimed by the Vorhees family and their successors. You really tried to warn them. If only your communication skills were better.

Chop Top from Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II

I think Part II is a great film for precisely the opposite reasons Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) is a great film. I will cover the glory of Part I in another post; it’s Part II’s time to shine here, and no part of this film shines brighter than Leatherface’s older brother, Chop Top. Chop Top was absent for the events that took place in part I because he was busy having part of his head destroyed in Vietnam. From what I gather, it was the sane part. Now, don’t get me wrong, the whole Sawyer clan is pretty off. Hitchhiker was less than altogether, and their father is clearly not well. Leatherface is the sensitive Holden Caulfield of the film, clearly in need of psychological intervention, but you can tell he has a soft, gooey center. None of the family are as completely, gleefully unhinged as Chop Top. He’s the whole package: Sonny Bono wig-wearing, scalp-burning-with-a-hot-wire-hanger-ing, screeching pile of crazy. Brilliant.

Marie from Haute Tension

Ah, Marie. You’re such a good friend to come to the rescue of lovely Alex from that vile, murderous drifter. Wait a second.

Aunt Martha from Sleepaway Camp

I think of all of these characters, Aunt Martha is my favorite. That voice. Those clothes. I mean, come on. I listed a few murderous monsters above and one crazy messenger, but Aunt Martha is the only one from the list who created a monster. I could watch her brief scenes again and again.